


It's Not Me, It's You

by enmity



Category: Tales of Phantasia, Tales of Series
Genre: Canon - Game, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-01 10:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enmity/pseuds/enmity
Summary: "Let's be reasonable here." Short fics of the Klarth/Arche persuasion.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a "drabble dump" now apparently

“What’re you looking at?” Magenta eyes suddenly turned, staring back at him, and he felt a brief sense of alarm at having been caught. Arche laughed, balanced herself quite casually on her broom, and snickered as though she’d been privy to some deep, terrible secret. “Ah!” she proclaimed, “I knew it! I knew you’d come around, Klarth! Finally you acknowledge me for the tantalizing beauty that I am!”

“What?”

“Took you long enough, you old fart.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, pipsqueak. You’ve got food stuck between your teeth.” Klarth gestured at the river beside them. And though he grinned as he watched her balk at her own reflection, the shade of embarrassment spreading across her face as she gargled on the water, he still felt his shoulders sag in relief. She was bluffing, probably. He was pretty sure. “I’m just glad we can count on Mint to be the lady around here -- since the specimen in front of me pretty clearly doesn’t qualify...”

Her legs hovered aboveground as she swung one over the other, resting her chin against one palm. Arche was short, even for a girl. Her wrists were bony beneath the jingling bracelets. “Ugh. You’re such a jerk! And here I was getting my hopes up.”

“Shut up, you called me an old fart just a second ago.”

“And you think I’m a little brat.” She puffed out her ribcage. “So that evens things out, doesn’t it?”

She was only half-right, really. When he rolled his eyes instead of replying he swore her smile tilted into something sly, and it was then that he forgot that he was supposed to look away. To avert his eyes from her, this young thing, too bright and too precarious and too many different things at once for her own good. This girl who would outlive him and wake up to see the future they would have saved as his bones slept soundly in the dirt, long since buried.

The thought bothered him less than he knew it should, and Klarth wondered what it said about him then, that deep down a part of him wished he could care less still.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You stupid pig,” Arche said cheerfully, and proceeded to calmly whack him upside the head with her broom.

“This is _so_ not fair,” Arche whined. She planted her face into the table, sending her finished plate clattering, “I can’t deal with some crusty old bachelor being a better cook than me! My reputation will suffer! What will my potential suitors think?”

“You have neither of those things,” Klarth pointed out, quite sensibly. “And stop being so dramatic. Wait, are you drunk again?” He raised an eyebrow.

She stopped her fake-sniffling, “Could've fooled you.”

“I really don’t know what to do with you sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Before he could ask, an idea occurred to her, “Any chance I could get you to teach me how to make this? I can never get the seasonings right.”

Klarth snorted, “Yeah, well, getting you to cook anything decent needs nothing short of a miracle. It’s like…” he paused thoughtfully, then shrugged, “it’s like getting you to grow some womanly curves overnight. Impossible!”

“You stupid pig,” Arche said cheerfully, and proceeded to calmly whack him upside the head with her broom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still doesn’t know why they’re bringing her along.

He still doesn’t know why they’re bringing her along.

“Stop messing with my shit,” Klarth warns. “Hey. Hey, stop. Don’t open that. That’s my life savings you’re touching. I _worked_ for it. You ever heard about working? Adults do that.”

Ponytail snorts, “Your life savings is _this_ much? Jeez, old man, you never told us you’re gonna die next week,” but relents at Cless’ admonishing glance, tucking the box back into its drawer with as much deference as she can muster before pulling open at least three new ones and prying into every single shelf in his study as Klarth grapples with the unshakable feeling that he’s about to be robbed blind by a midget on a broomstick. “Who puts porn mags next to children’s books? That’s like, super-ultra-bad-mega wrong,” she exclaims, grabbing the offending object by the spine and waving it around, apparently unconcerned by Mint covering her eyes in horror behind her, the poor maiden. “Cless! Let’s just bail and ditch this geezer!”

“Found it _,_ ” Cless interrupts, tossing a heavy tome in her general direction, which she somehow catches. Klarth swoops in to retrieve the magazine from the floor, discreetly tucking it aside for totally legitimate and wholesome future purposes, as Arche proceeds to giggle away his grumbling about her having potentially ruined the binding— _this is an antique! They went out of print five years ago!_ _Have you got no respect for valuables?!_

“I kinda don’t get what just happened, but I can make rocks float now! Yay!” She fist-pumps, sending her bracelets jingling, and does a weird kind of contortion as she sidles uncomfortably close to the boy, “And stab things! Just like you, Cless. Except with icicles. Magic icicles, which makes it twice as cool. We have so much more in common now, don’t you think—?”

“Go flirt badly somewhere else,” Klarth coughs, gesturing towards Mint, who’s shaking rather badly in the corner, “Look. She’s dying. Which I absolutely don’t blame her for." Then he points accusingly at Arche, “Also he’s clearly not into you. Just, stop. You wanna know the size of this ulcer right now?”

“It’s not my fault you have pictures of naked women! This is where you should take responsibility, Klarth!” she wails, refusing to acknowledge half of what he just said.

“L-Let’s just go,” Mint says, slowly getting up to her feet, and all headaches and ulcers and Milard’s disembodied voice shouting at him to _clean this mess the hell up_ fade away when he sees the frustrated pout gracing Arche’s face as she watches Cless step in, making sure his girlfriend can walk three steps forward without toppling over from the images Klarth is apparently guilty for putting in her head. 

Ah, youth. 

Speaking of which. “Plenty of fish in the sea,” he consoles sagely, placing a hand on Arche's shoulder.

“I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear those words from a 29-year-old bachelor,” she says, hands clasped, dreamy sigh slicing through the obvious sarcasm in her voice. He levels her with a look, not sure what angle to go for beyond vaguely unamused, and the next moment she’s bolting out the door, laughing. “Cless! Don’t leave me behind!”

 _Probably just imagined it_ , Klarth thinks, but it still takes him a moment to blink away the starry mirth he’d caught in her eyes, and follow her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arche learns stone blast and ice tornado from books in klarth's house but that doesnt matter bc this is dumb, theyre dumb, i dont know how to write things that aren't upsetting


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come on, let’s be reasonable here. Be a good girl and wait for Chester to be born like you’re supposed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is set during the credits
> 
> other ships are inferred hgfgdgg
> 
> me: '[if i made kl*rche a full fanfic it's going to end with klarth descending into alcoholism as arche hides in bushes in the elf colony 500 kilometers away attempting to see her mom](https://twitter.com/maiacustom/status/1068316201569243137)' not a full fanfic but it's all about the spirit of things, really

The sea-salt breeze whipped at her hair, and Arche turned around, hands wrung. She narrowed her eyes; her smile felt like a flinch on her face. “Stop staring out the sky like that, it doesn’t make you look cool.”

“I already am,” Klarth huffed, and tugged at his hat so it wouldn’t fly away. The wind was unusually harsh. It would be funny to see him flail for it, Arche thought. She had her broom for insurance after all. But maybe that prank had gotten old the fourth time around. He leveled her with a look. “What? Something on your mind? Look a little happier, that frown is freaking me out.”

“Nothing,” she murmured the lie into her palm. Maybe if she pretended to be sick he’d be grossed out and leave her alone.

“Oh, hell,” he said, alarmed, and hopped three steps backwards – success. He pointed vaguely at the horizon, smiling uncomfortably, “We’re almost at the port. See? Home at last.”

 _That’s half the problem_ , Arche thought, and it came out sounding like, “U-Urgh,” because it turned out she wasn’t pretending after all. She clutched her stomach. _And the other half…_

“Shit. Arche, come on. I don’t wanna carry you again,” he pleaded.

The part where she fell and landed on him was definitely an act, though.

Totally just to spite him.

—

After about forty minutes of aimless walking (well, _he_ walked, the poor sap), Klarth finally caught on. He smiled serenely, and yanked her by the wrist, not roughly but with enough surprise behind it that she nearly lost her balance. She wondered if he ever lamented the fact that she wore pants. “Go home already,” he ordered.

“I do miss my dad,” she said, and it was true. She observed the cloud cover. “And…”

He glanced away for a moment. “Your mother?”

She grinned, “I’ll just sneak in again. Easy!”

He shot her an exasperated look. “Stop following me around! Or did you forget your way home?”

“Oh,” Arche said slowly, “and here I thought you’d grown fond of me.” She sniffled. Then her imaginary tears dried and she scooted over cheerfully, “How coldhearted! I suppose everything between us meant nothing in the end, huh?” She nudged him to drive the point further.

The exasperation deepened. Old men truly had no patience. Klarth shifted to impose a distance between them, and he turned his face away, til all she saw were the tired slant of his shoulders. The shadow of a passing cloud fell over them. Finally he said, "I'm going back home."

“Yes,” Arche said, and to her surprise tasted no bitterness. But then, it wasn’t like she was that kind of person to begin with. Not really. “Where someone’s waiting for you.”

And he wasn’t that good of a guy, anyway. Someone else could deal with him. Not worth it.

But neither was she.

“Your father’s probably worried sick right now," he reminded. "Come on, let’s be reasonable here. Be a good girl and wait for Chester to be born like you’re supposed to.”

Arche snorted. “So, this is it. The goodbye." She looked at the ground. "I'll say hi to Cless and the others for you."

“You can always visit, I guess,” Klarth added halfheartedly. “If you want to. I’ll tell her to make biscuits. They're pretty good, believe me.”

She met his eyes, nodding vaguely. He was looking at her like she was about to cry, or crumble, or something ridiculous like that. “I’m not a sap,” she told him, but kissed him between the eyes anyway, and no one really noticed if she clasped his shoulder for a second longer than was appropriate for the friends they were supposed to be. But she pulled away eventually. “See you around, I guess?”

“Sure,” he said. He didn’t seem to believe it either.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then he nudged her, “I thought I was a zombie?”

And then she made a very strange noise. It sounded suspiciously like, “Eep!”

“Ew,” Arche made a face at his appalling attempt at impersonation. Her nose scrunching up and everything, and when he snorted she retreated beneath the blankets, fuming. “You’re never gonna live that down, are you?”

“Not for another week at least.” Klarth smiled magnanimously, reaching over to tighten the latch. The window stopped rattling. He joined Arche in her makeshift hiding place, and patted her shoulder until her teeth started to grit. “There, there.”

By the devil’s luck he dodged her attempt at swatting him away. “Shut up! It surprised me, that’s all.”

“By any chance...” he began. "You’re not afraid of ghosts, are you?”

Her mouth pressed into a line. “Rhea was my best friend. Don’t say mean things about her,” she said, by which she meant, no, she wasn’t. Truthfully, he’d be surprised if anything fazed her. Her old ribbon lay folded on the nightstand, periwinkle blue clinging to the lamp’s warm glow.

“Sorry,” he laughed. “Some noise you made, though.”

For a moment she appeared very interested in the color of the pillowcase. Arche briefly worried her bottom lip, but made sure to smile when she turned her face towards his. She didn’t often try for innocence. “I just remembered something.”

It took another second to glance away from her midriff. “Hm?”

“Nothing. Just that you’re dead,” she said, and crossed her arms. “By now you are, at least. So, there.”

“That doesn’t— count." Technically. "That doesn’t even make sense.” Klarth frowned. He was _not_ going to pursue this train of thought. Then he nudged her, “I thought I was a zombie?”

“Depends,” she considered. “Also, gross. Stop killing the mood.”

“As if a ghost is any better!”

Arche went quiet for a moment. “Well, it’s all good. Because I’m not scared of you,” she murmured softly, and pulled him into another long embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the [skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJDz8iWVlqs&t=0m29s) in question


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Else, what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this on my phone in like 10 minutes

It was then that he heard the door being thrown open. An immensely bad omen shook through him, and a second later he found his arms full of girl, giggling and pressing against him and generally not being unwelcome, exactly, but she could certainly stand to give a little warning first. 

"I almost fell off my chair!" Klarth protested, and proceeded to follow up the statement by making no effort to remove her. Instead his arms clung loosely to her sides as Arche threw her arms around his back and kept them there, small hands clutching onto him. "What're you doing?" 

"Oh, nothing." Arche smiled innocently. "Just using my nubile charms for my own nefarious purposes. Am I interrupting something?" 

"Don't use words you don't understand," he muttered, but smiled despite himself as he caught the edge of her mouth in a quick kiss. "I'm reading up on Luna. That's who we're summoning next."

"Reading? How boring. A genius like you shouldn't have to do that," she said, and flashed him a thumbs-up sign. "You can do it! I believe in you."

"Is there something you want? Food? Pocket money? Come on, out with it," he accused. "Or... else."

"Else, what?" She perked up. "Is that a threat?"

"That depends," Klarth replied, having enough, and pushed her so that she landed on her back -- and then it wasn't just his books waiting there on the table, anymore. "What do you think?"

"You cheater!" Arche complained, looking slightly rattled, but then she leaned over, and there was no more talking to be had between them for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know what you're thinking : "is that door still open?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing most people saw before dying were probably boring things, like the ceiling or their mother or a monster’s ominous jaw closing in, to which he said, sucks to be them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> klarth does like .5 points of "damage" with his "melee" "weapon"
> 
> edit: changed biscuits to cupcakes for a golden girls reference

So when they had gotten ambushed and one thing had led to another and the situation had gotten so desperate that they were the only two left standing, he decided drastic measures needed to be taken.

“That’s now how it works!” Arche complained. “ _You_ be the human shield, I’m not getting my face ruined by... whatever _that_ is!” She pointed to the adversary. “I’m too beautiful for that. The market is very competitive these days, you see.”

“You can _fly_! Just dodge!” It said something about the urgency of things that he made no attempt to shoot down her conceit. But then, they were surrounded, not to mention Cless seemed kind of _definitely_ out of commission and Mint was soundly asleep and it would be kind of terrible if they all died because there was only so much pain you could inflict by hitting things with a book and a broom. “Be a distraction, anything!”

“A distraction? Gladly—”

Klarth proceeded to silence her by tossing his book violently over her head and in the general area of the bats, sending them scattering in all directions and doing zero damage in the process. Then he fell over, exhausted. He was in the middle of coming to terms with both the head injury and his own doubtlessly impending death when he heard Arche yell, “Nurse!”

“Is this charcoal,” he said between choking on the offending material she’d stuffed into his mouth and throwing it out just as quickly. “Nice outfit,” he added appreciatively from his prone position on the ground, because he needed to be a half-full kind of guy about this, and the last thing most people saw before dying were probably boring things, like the ceiling or their mother or a monster’s ominous jaw closing in, to which he said, sucks to be them. The stethoscope was an obvious prop, but clearly all the effort had been focused on making the skirt as short as possible, which was what everything boiled down to, in the end. Obviously. 

“Oh, thanks! I’m not keeping it though, I'm charging for that,” Arche said sweetly, winking, and from where he lay, Klarth could see why. It seemed almost worth it, to be honest. Then she abruptly stiffened, looking affronted. “Wait, what did you just say about my cupcakes?”

“Nothing,” he said, brightening, and wobbled up to his feet to snatch the rest of it from her hands. The monsters had no chance at all after taking the first bite. First the bats, then the rats; they watched them collapse one after another for an overlong moment, and then he turned to give her a severe look. “Okay, let’s make sure this never happens again.”

Arche – who was still clearly sulking from his lack of appreciation for her culinary skills – narrowed her eyes, then snickered. “That’s what you said last time.”

Klarth massaged his temple in preparation for the vein he sensed was about to pop. “Do you have any concept of danger,” he told her, but what he really meant to ask was: _do I get a discount?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few minutes later she came back to Klarth sitting in the corner, back turned to her as he stared into the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'i should write a night before the final battle fic' *halfway through remembers that they push chester/arche and klarth/mirald really hard in those scenes* 'damn'

What she hated about silence was the ease of which it allowed your mind to go places it shouldn’t. The gutter, for one, but Arche could deal with that easily enough. More difficult was when it made her entertain questions even she knew better than to say out loud. She was content enough allowing them to pile in the corner of her mind, untouched and collecting dust. It wasn’t her thing to get all navel-gazey. Or else Chester might say she needed to be checked out for a head cold or something.

_You know you’re gonna have to wait a hundred years before seeing him again, right?_

A few minutes later she came back to Klarth sitting in the corner, back turned to her as he stared into the fire. Chester loitered downstairs still, and the room was quiet in a way she didn’t like, contrasting with the nervous energy she felt.

_What’ll you do if you miss them after everything’s said and done?_

“He-y,” she greeted warmly, and hopped to his side of the room, so that her arms crossed around his neck and her cheek touched his, and she felt the fire’s crackling heat against her face as she murmured, half-leaning onto him, “Something on your mind, smart guy?”

“Maybe,” replied Klarth, and curled his hand around her wrist, gingerly holding it in place. “So what’d you talk about? You two official yet?”

Arche shook the melting snow out of her hair in an attempt to stall. “Don’t change the subject,” she protested, then bit her lip. “I- I dunno. He makes things harder than they should be.”

“Like you’re not a handful yourself,” he laughed. “C’mon, behave. Your boyfriend’s gonna be here any minute.”

“He’s not…” She paused, and kept on clinging to him, perhaps out of spite. Her face constricted. “Ugh. I never should’ve opened my mouth.”

“Too late.”

Arche frowned, and remembered that they would usually be kissing right about now. Something was probably wrong, at any rate. “What, are we breaking up?” she questioned, and proceeded to kiss him anyway. To, you know, cover all the bases.

Klarth sighed, that long-suffering sound he liked to make, and the smile he turned to her was just a smidge uneven. He didn’t answer her.

“It’d be weird, right? He wouldn’t stay. He’d go back to his time and we to ours and I’d have to— _wait_.” She stopped mid-ramble, frustrated, and buried her face resignedly into the back of Klarth’s shoulder. “Where’s Mint when I need her?”

“Busy having a real love life, I’d assume,” he answered breezily, shrugging, but made no further effort to shake her away. If he really cared about decency as much as he liked to pretend, he would’ve done so long ago. “As should you. Though I doubt bringing up your father is going to sway you any.”

“He doesn’t have to know,” Arche said, and it must’ve struck him as funny, because he snorted none-too-subtly at that, as if the idea itself was laughable. “And—you’ll be there when we come back. That matters. With you, I don’t have to wait.”

“I’ll still die first,” he raised. “How about that?”

“That goes for most people,” she said, though immediately she wished she hadn’t. “Great job. Now we’ve really ruined the atmosphere.”

He quieted, and shifted to pull her into a hug – she wrinkled her nose; she knew an amply rehearsed move when she saw one – and patted her head for an overlong moment. Her legs folded snugly between his knees, and with the fire beside her she felt warm, comfortable. But when she looked up to meet his eyes, she remembered what it was she’d hated so much about silence.

She waited for the sound of Chester’s approaching footsteps in the hall. It didn’t come.

“Hey,” Klarth said, brightening, and she pretended not to see the strain in his smile as he clasped her shoulder. “I know what this is all about! Just now I promised to treat you to whatever you want, didn’t I? Don’t worry, you can hold me to that. C’mon, no need to put up that gloomy face. Looks terrible on you.”

She recognized the diversion to be what it was, and mirrored his brittle smile with one of her own. Hers was more convincing, she decided. “No complaining about the price, okay?” Arche said, leaning forwards as his hands worked into her hair, and for her part, managed to laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, it was just a thought!” He snorts, “A thought _exercise_. Like that’s ever gonna happen. God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pillow talk
> 
> these things are getting harder and harder to write because their names are so terrible

“So,” Klarth starts conversationally, turning over to face her, “I’m thinking… a quarter. Is that right?”

Arche blinks. Squints, and then, because it’s dark and she was just halfway into falling asleep, pulls a little more of the blanket towards her side. She blinks a few more times, until the dark shape that could be Klarth starts blurring into more recognizable territory, and says, “Huh. What?”

“Hypothetically, I mean.” He shakes his head. “Wait, you weren’t listening?”

“'Course not,” she yawns, and shifts to prop her elbow against the mattress, head tilted to lean onto her palm. Her hair spills down the length of her back, unruly as the rest of her. “Thought you were talking in your sleep for a moment there.”

The shadow in front of her looks back, mouth upturned in a rueful mirror of the smile she throws his way, and a part of her wants to close her eyes and drift into sleep, just like this. It shouldn’t be such a warm thought—a moment is just a moment, and what difference does it make if this one is theirs to share? Life’s full of moments. She ought to save these thoughts for a better guy. But she tunes out that voice in her head and curls back underneath the blanket, small body folding into itself.

It isn’t so bad. It really isn’t.

The distance between them is inconsequential, all things considered, so when he’s the first to close it Arche laughs, muttering something about his budding soft side— _hey, maybe I’m good for something after all—_ and he retaliates by kissing that ticklish spot under her ear as she fights a halfhearted war against the compulsion to laugh. 

“I don’t talk in my sleep,” Klarth protests, when he pulls away. His forefinger traces an indifferent line across her shoulder. “I was just thinking—the mixing between human and elf blood…”

“Oh.” Arche raises an eyebrow. “You mean… babies? Like, _ours_? Oh, jeez. This isn’t even our third date! Someone’s getting way ahead of himself.”

“Hey, it was just a thought!” He snorts, “A thought _exercise._ Like that’s ever gonna happen. God.”

“Duh. ‘Course not,” she says, and knows it too.

Klarth ruffles her hair. Something in his gaze looks strained, an aged kind of exhaustion tugging at the corners of his eyes, and she stares at him for a moment, not really knowing what to say. But then he smiles, circles an arm around her shoulder, and it's dim enough that it could as well have been nothing. Just another shadow. Her and her silly imagination.

“That’s why I like you,” he says, pulling her close, and Arche doesn’t know why, but in that moment, she feels the urge to shrug him away.

“You think too much.”

She pushes it out of mind, and leans over to kiss him back instead.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s what it all came down to, in the end. Distractions.

“No, you can’t,” he said firmly.

“Oh, but,” Arche pouted, and rolled over, so the bedframe creaked and he found her migrating to his half in short order, “come on! I just said I’ll pay! Or are you still mad about the—the joke? The bald thing?” She cooed, and smiled into the back of his neck, “I’m sorry! I can tell it still hurts.”

“You just can’t,” Klarth repeated, and grimaced at the ceiling, the too-small room. She only clutched his arm like that when she was halfway to falling asleep. “You don’t _sound_ sorry,” he muttered, instead of the usual warning of _be quiet—do you_ want _us to be found out?_

Not that she ever listened, anyway. “I’m _so_ glad I have eternal youth on my side,” she went on breezily, one arm stretched over her head. “Clock’s ticking; you turn twenty-five and suddenly you wake up with a bad back and a good third of your life gone. Wait, twenty-nine,” she amended, to his chagrin. Arche rolled her eyes, then winced briefly, as though having tasted something sour. “I get it. Touchy subject for you humans.”

Klarth bit his lip, debating which course of action to take. He could tell her everything as much as he could cradle her face in a false pretense of romance and distract her with a kiss. That’s what it all came down to, in the end. Distractions.

So he gave in and reached towards her, hand unfolded and tipped in the angle of her jaw, and felt her mouth slacken against his, warm in a way that was inviting, and familiar, even though that wasn’t right, not really. They hadn’t known each other for very long. Certainly not enough to have built—something. Anything. But most things weren’t, once you thought about it, and so he gave in, and felt a languid sort of satisfaction at the way Arche sighed, fingers tucked between his hair, and how her lips curved into a smile against his own, as though to assure him this was just another private joke, another secret they would get to keep. And a secret kept unshared amounted to not very much at all.

“Do you ever hear yourself talk?” Klarth muttered grimly, once he’d pulled away, and absently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Arche made a face, clearly unimpressed by this bravado of affection, but her cheeks were the sort of pink that reminded him of the first time he’d looked at her too long, and maybe that evened out the odds somewhat, made them both the loser rather than just one. He smiled. “See? Shutting up’s not so bad. Try it sometime, it’s good for you.”

“That was a cheap trick,” she groused. “You’re not even wearing it right now! Look, that joke’s not even funny anymore, now that I know you don’t have a bald spot. Really. The mystery was pretty much half of it, and now it’s ruined.”

“I told you, you can’t have my hat! Jeez, just let it go.”

The pout returned. “Not even for a little while?”

“I said no!”

“Aww.” She clung to his side still, slim fingers threading loosely through his hair. Sometimes he thought Arche looked at him like she wasn’t sure if he would still be there if she blinked. He knew because he recognized the look, but it felt odd still, to be on the receiving end of it for once. “So what is it? Sentiment? Your girlfriend gave it to you?” she asked, and snickered unabashedly, as though refusing to be aware of what she’d just brought up.

Chester’s name was on the tip of his tongue, but Klarth swallowed it. Prudently. “Why’re you asking?”

“Curiousity, I guess.”

He looked away. “That’s not good enough.”

“Killjoy,” she huffed.

“It’s a long story,” Klarth said at last. “Really boring. Trust me.”

Arche sat up, frown deepening, and let the blanket pool around her waist as her hands balled into small, irritated fists. “You call that lying?”

It took a moment for him to look up. And he thought, with some feeling tugging at him that he certainly hadn’t spent years trying to identify, _what do you want me to say? I made a mistake that someone else paid for. He left, I stayed. And now I can’t look at her without thinking I’m only around to be there for the things he can’t._ Because otherwise _,_ he wasn’t good enough.

Because otherwise— _would I really be here with you, right now?_

"Actually..." Klarth opened his mouth as though to say any of this, but instead he set a hand against her knuckles, and said, “Forget it. Go to sleep already.”

Arche quieted, pulling the blanket to her chin, but when she looked over her shoulder it was to say, “You’ll blink.”

“Give it up and I’ll treat you to something tomorrow.”

She seemed to sincerely consider it. Klarth looked at her, smiling indulgently, and without a word he curled his hand around her wrist and tugged, so that the next moment she was facing him, the distance between them once again so close as to be inconsequential. Arche shifted, and rested her flattened palms against her chest, filling in the meager space that remained. She caught her lip between her teeth.

“Anything I want?”

“Yeah,” he promised into the crook of her neck, distantly aware of the regret he was going to feel in the morning, and not really caring. “Whatever you say,” Klarth said. He felt his eyes slide shut, and did not wonder even for a moment if perhaps with her, he would really be able to forget.

"Mm," she agreed, voice slackening with sleep, as he thought: _of course not._ How silly would that be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ref](http://taleslations.tumblr.com/post/99949659760/character-biography-klarth) for klarth's wack backstory + the [skit](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGJoPoPhMbo&t=0m31s) i reference
> 
> this was like based on two separate shitposts also oh god why is it 1000 words long


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon meeting her eye, he visibly grimaced. The sight was so familiar and missed as sorely as she was reluctant to admit it that she broke out of her concentrated trance long enough to nearly lose her balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> post canon

A kid answered the door on the third knock.

“Oh, um,” he stammered, all youth and dimpled cheeks, “Should I get Ms. Mirald?”

“No, no.” Arche wrung her hands behind her back. “I need the other one,” she said sweetly, gesturing vaguely – then not-so-vaguely – towards her head. “The one with the hat? The grouch? The old geezer you so know and love?”

The boy looked hesitantly to the side before saying, “He’s out right now.”

“Aw.” She peeked her head in through the doorway. “Klarth! It’s me! I know you’re in there! Stop telling these poor kids to cover for you!”

“No, he’s really not here. I’ll ask Ms. Mirald for him.” He tilted his head. “What’s that broom for?”

She smiled and stepped back. “Sorry, I gotta go. Tell her I said hi!"

—

“Hey!” Arche waved, then waved some more, until the man was forced to acknowledge her from where he stood under the lamppost. Upon meeting her eye, he visibly grimaced. The sight was so familiar and missed as sorely as she was reluctant to admit it that she broke out of her concentrated trance long enough to nearly lose her balance. “I got your letter.”

“Get down from there,” implored Klarth. “Also. What letter?”

“There’s no letter,” she answered, and opened her arms wide to keep her footing. Her knees itched. She wobbled to the side for the briefest of seconds, then added, “Isn’t that the joke? You never wrote, silly! Must’ve forgotten the address, huh?”

“You’re gonna fall,” he warned. “Seriously! Are you drunk? Is that it?”

“I guess someone better catch me, then,” Arche said, face tilted primly away from the sun. And she wasn’t that intoxicated. Just a little. It was only three in the afternoon and there were plenty of hours left in the day.

“Oh, god,” Klarth groaned. “Why _me_? Use your broom! Remember the last time this happened?”

She winced. “I thought we agreed not to talk about… that.”

“We agreed not to talk about a lot of things.”

Like she didn’t know that already. “I’m gonna jump, okay? Count to one.”

“What? No, I won’t!”

Fact: she hadn’t really counted on him to catch her. There was her bravado and the precarious height and his arms spread uncertainly wide – as though unsure she could even make the landing – yet waiting all the same for the second she would drop. And still, she hadn’t counted on being caught. She’d wanted to fall for no good reason. To feel the wind of resistance against her hair, the moment of thrill before she would summon her broom and be back airborne, grinning, right as rain. She’d wanted to fall for the sake of it.

So she did.

And - what do you know? - he caught her.

“Next time I’ll just tell Sylph to blast you back home,” Klarth grumbled, nursing his back gingerly. For a moment she thought she wouldn’t be surprised if it was starting to kill him – if he couldn’t walk without groaning from all his joints going rickety-crack. Except that was highly improbable. It had only been a year since she'd last seen him. Funny how time worked when it came to missing people. “I’m never doing this ever again, you hear me?”

“Oh, lighten up. Is that really the way to greet an old friend?” Arche laughed. She was still halfway in his lap. But people had begun to stare, so she bounced to her feet and stretched her hand out to pull him to his.

After spending a considerable amount of time dusting it off, Klarth put his hat back on. Probably felt naked without it, the freak. They kept on walking, until they reached a park, and as they sat themselves down on the grass he muttered, “I’m getting too old for this.”

“Speaking of which—”

“No happy birthday wishes,” he cut her off.

“What about a birthday kiss?” she tried.

“You're like three months late,” protested Klarth, but when she leaned in, he did too.

—

On the walk home she caught him by the wrist, stumbling only a little. He paused, and she looked up towards his general direction, the sky stretching darkly behind him, and muttered, “We’re— we’re okay, right? I mean. Friends kiss each other all the time.”

“Of course,” Klarth said, deadpan, and touched her shoulder reassuringly. “On the mouth, even, in some countries I know. So rest assured, we’ve nothing to worry about.”

“Ha-ha,” Arche said, clinging onto his side to keep from falling. She tried not to wobble. Much. The alley was dim and narrow and smelled like something dead. She sniffed, “Who knew such a—vile corruptor would be teaching a class of impressionable kids for a day job?”

“Corruptor, you say,” he rolled his eyes, pulling her closer. “ _Vile._ Listen to yourself talk.”

“Maybe ‘pervert’ is better.”

“Whatever helps you sleep.”

For a moment they were silent. She looked at the ground and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “You’re not gonna ask why I came to see you?”

Klarth’s smile slipped. She couldn't tell anymore whether she was leaning onto him or he was holding her against him. “I wonder if I want to know.”

“Well,” Arche said, without hesitation or restraint, and met his eyes. “Do you?”

He sighed, and at last answered, “Yeah. I do.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cless! I just told Klarth I loved him and he told me to go take a hike!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only they could say the three words at the drop of a hat except when it really matters
> 
> i know every single side material relentlessly pushes chester/arche and klarth/mirald but. klarth fake-confessed once to arche in the drama CD so it's clear they are ACTUALLY

“I love you,” she said over the table.

Klarth looked up from his plate, leveling her with a smile. They’d been nudging each other’s feet for so long under the inn’s table that an impromptu love confession was clearly the logical endpoint – either to the game or whatever they had between them that couldn’t be called a relationship for the simple fact that it wasn’t. He really needed to come up with a term for it soon. “What’s that? Speak up.”

“I love you,” repeated Arche – empathetically – and leaned her elbows a little further. “Sorry. Was that overdue?”

He glanced at the clock. “Seven in the morning. Too early for this,” he said.

Then he looked both ways; Chester to the left, bristling obviously, and Cless, who to the right of Klarth seemed comfortably enough engrossed in a rapt conversation about squirrels with Mint to let the three words that had come out of Arche’s mouth slip flagrantly unaddressed. Clearly he had no allies here.

Having concluded that, Klarth resumed eating, and decided the best course of action would be to continue accidentally bumping their legs behind the checkered privacy of the tablecloth. Which proved a sufficient enough distraction for a good few moments – she even reciprocated – until the pressure evidently got to her, and Arche lifted her chin, accusing, “Are we breaking up again?”

“Too early for this,” he repeated. This time he didn’t look up.

“Well, are we?” she pressed, hands slamming onto the table. “Cless! I just told Klarth I loved him and he told me to go take a hike!”

“What?” Cless asked, oblivious to all this until a second ago.

Chester gave him a look that had obvious disgust and _don’t bother_ written all over it, and sidled his chair over to the far end of the table, not looking at either Klarth or Arche. He was quick to notice the scandalized blush creeping up to Mint’s cheeks and even quicker to comfort her with assurances that the half-elf girl was an idiot and thus didn’t understand half of what she was saying at any given time and thus _obviously_ it was best to pay her no mind, lest the rot infected Mint’s brain too. Mint, who seemed dazedly placated by this, expressed her gratitude by sharing her french toast with him and letting him turn the two-person squirrel conversation into a three-person one. Arche stopped staring at him long enough to look aside and give Chester the stinkeye.

“Arche, sit down,” Klarth said.

“Why must you be so difficult? Why won’t you love me back?” Her face clouded over. The other patrons had begun to turn their heads. “Why can’t _we_ talk about woodland creatures over breakfast? Really, Klarth! I consider myself pretty low-maintenance—” she was interrupted mid-spiel when Klarth grabbed her elbows to pull her into a silencing kiss in what was clearly a foolproof act of sound logic.

“Arche, please. Sit down,” he said again. He thought to apologize to the others on both their behalves and decided against it just as quickly. Best to wait until they were less traumatized.

“Okay.” She didn’t have the decency to act fazed.

Klarth sighed, then picked up his fork, content to go on with the rest of his breakfast. Except. 

“You little—”

“Gotcha.” Arche stuck her tongue out, fork raised, brandishing the piece of toast she’d stolen from him, and Klarth mourned his pillaged plate for another second before stepping on her toes and launching into increasingly irate proclamations of romantic affection as he fought desperately for rightful custody of his food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's called 'friends with benefits'


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When she’d lost at rock-paper-scissors and got assigned to wash the dishes she’d groaned and despaired and attempted to seduce her way out of the duty—sorry, Mint—but now that she was plating her share of Klarth’s cooking Arche found herself thinking she could certainly be stuck with worse company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really crammed as many ideas i could into 800 words huh

“So you had all those books just lying around and couldn’t even use them?” Arche flipped another page of the spell tome as Klarth sat cross-legged by the fire, shoulders tensing in an obvious giveaway of his failure to ignore her. Honestly, he took these things way too personally. “So moody! Careful or you’ll oversalt,” she laughed as he stirred the seasoning into the simmering curry, and at that he looked over his shoulder with a grumble, gritted teeth crushing the first syllable of an irritated remark.

“I’m not taking advice from you,” Klarth said, then offered her a spoonful. “Especially not when it comes to this. Here. Don't burn your tongue.”

She swallowed eagerly, but then said, “You always treat me like a kid.”

“That’s hardly unfair, when you always act like one,” he said, and as always Arche couldn’t tell fondness from superiority in the smile he regarded her with. 

She placed her chin in her hands and smiled. “You only say that because I make you feel old.”

He closed up, turning around again to watch the embers as he muttered something about his birthday still being months away. The sun had begun to set. Soon Chester and Cless would come back from training, and Mint would (hopefully) be roused from her fainting spell by the smell of dinner. When she’d lost at rock-paper-scissors and got assigned to wash the dishes she’d groaned and despaired and attempted to seduce her way out of the duty—sorry, Mint—but now that she was plating her share of Klarth’s cooking Arche found herself thinking she could certainly be stuck with worse company.

He was as fun to push and annoy as any, but when cornered he’d rather resort to a moody frown or a resigned sigh over flinging back grade-Z insults or partaking in juvenile self-inflicted dares to prove his worth, unlike a certain person she could mention. It wasn’t much flattery to say that his company meant less headaches than Chester’s, so she didn’t. Maybe a kiss would be better—but some of what he’d sanctimoniously called common sense must've rubbed off on her. And besides she didn’t want to risk traumatizing poor Mint further. Maybe next time.

Instead Arche swallowed another mouthful and thought back about the book. “Why did you study magic?”

“Hmm.” Klarth pretended to be deep in thought, but in truth he was probably wondering how much flattery he could cram into a single sentence. _Ungrateful half-elf girl_ , she could already hear him say.

“I mean,” Arche went on, “you can’t use it naturally. So what made you try?”

He let a tight-lipped moment pass, then replied, “To prove something, I guess.”

“’I guess’? That’s not what your face says! Hey, tell me more!”

“You’ll just make fun of me! That’s what you want, right? Huh? Little miss _I was born with magic resonance so strong I could loan my body to my best friend’s ghost as temporary housing for a week okie-dokie no problem!_ ” he all but fumed.

“Most people stick to things they’re naturally good at,” she said as she finished the last of her food. Honestly, he made it so easy sometimes. Then she sulked, “You know, the other day Chester said something really mean…”

At that came the requisite eye-roll as Klarth attempted to escape the conversation by piling his plate with another helping.

“—he said my cooking tastes like it came out of a horse’s ass! While making _this_ face,” she said indignantly.

“I don’t see anything wrong about telling the truth,” Klarth snorted. “I’d use the term ‘health hazard’ myse—”

“Oh, you jerk!” He dodged her attempt to swat him. “He told me I should find someone who could cook for me, but I change my mind! You’re definitely out of the running now!”

“I thought that was a month ago? ‘Oh dear Klarth, thank you for the offer, but I’m sorry, you’re so old I worry you might keel over from the breeze any day!’” He wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“What offer? When?” Arche pressed, then smiled as she enviously eyed the full pot simmering over his shoulder in comparison with her emptied plate. “I’m just kidding. You know I love you more than anything in the world! Can I have some more of that?”

“My heart is warmed,” Klarth intoned, but handed her the ladle regardless. Plate refilled, she scooted over happily to his side, edging closer until their shoulders brushed. She’d expected a grunt, some kind of protest— _the others will be here any time soon_ —but when he didn’t pull away she smiled, content to let them blame this on a case of plausible deniability. And by the looks of it, so was he.

And she didn’t mind that at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [skit](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJDz8iWVlqs&t=3m33s) i referenced ~.~ though i paraphrased the other translation's more colorful version. stat-wise klarth is the 2nd best cook in the party after suzu >///<


End file.
